Easier to Believe

I had faith when few believed it was possible. I was convinced, without doubt, that Ellian and Bini were supposed to be part of EMBARK 2. It didn’t matter to me there were only three weeks before the program was starting and the girls needed visas and plane tickets and twenty thousand dollars. My faith was so strong, I dove head first doing my part in the process, believing God would do His part and provide.

And He did…

Three weeks later, Ellian and Bini were on a plane heading toward a life-changing 10-month experience with the visas they needed and the funding supplied. This was what God did and I was confident He would.

However, I need to acknowledge that it is easier for me to believe for others than it is to believe for myself. I can confidently live out Mark 11:22-24 when it comes to believing God’s work for others which says, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.” This is harder for me to live out when I am called to believe for God’s provision for myself.

I have been aware of this pattern in two particular areas of my life in the last week. My anxiety over the funding needed for me to serve at Black Forest Academy has been growing week after week. I realize it is ridiculous for me to feel worried after what I had seen God do last January for Ellian and Bini. However, that hasn’t seemed to remove my anxiety, just made me more aware of the internal conflict.

The other area where I have been aware it is easier for me to believe for others than for myself is in my desire to be married. I am getting ready to fly to America this week for the wedding of one of my dearest friends. There has never been a doubt in my mind she would get married. I have believed for her husband since our early days of friendship. I have far more faith in God’s provision of a husband for her than for myself.

I am confident God provides. I believe the words from Mark 11 that God hears and answers my prayers. There is evidence throughout my life of God’s provision for me and for others around me. I still find it easier to have faith that God will move on the behalf of others when I believe than believing God will provide for me. God, please help my unbelief. 

A German in a Thai World

I have really embraced the way my German heritage plays out in my life. When I lived in Germany previously, I started to see my values of order, cleanliness, promptness, and country living expressed in their native context. It is easy for me to operate under the belief that there is a “right” way to do everything and that it is best to help others learn how to do things the “right” way. This “right” way seemed to come rather naturally in Germany.

Then I moved to Thailand. Here I have learned to run red lights, as it is actually the safer course of

Thai Values Sign

action (I forgot I wasn’t in Thailand over Christmas and tried this practice in Huntington Beach, not a good choice). Here I talked myself out of a ticket for driving my truck in the left lane. Here I am chronically late. Here I have learned to avoid the direct approach when I have something to communicate to a Thai friend. The highest values are keeping the peace, going with the flow, and holding things loosely. This is a little different from Germany.

The Thai values come less naturally to me. I don’t blend in here, for external and internal reasons. However, I have seen the benefit of introducing some of these Thai cultural values into my German, type-A life. There are times to value order and there are times to value chaos. Sometimes it is OK to run a red light and other times it is best to stop. Keeping the conversation going, rather than running off to complete the next thing on my to-do list is sometimes the better choice.

The values I have discovered in Thailand have really brought some balance to my German tendencies. I am trying to navigate when it is good to live as a German and when it is good to live as a Thai. What I am really discovering is there are traits to value and express in any culture, especially those values that reflect God’s Kingdom culture. These are the values I should embody faithfully. There may be times to act like a German and there may be times to act like a Thai, but the best cultural values I could live out are the Kingdom culture ones.

Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Remember

The story this week in my small group was out of Exodus 12 when God establishes the Passover as part of releasing His people from Egypt. One of the questions that is asked every week at small group is “If this story is true, what will you do in response?” I was struck by verse 14, which says, “This day shall be for you a memorial day, and you shall keep it as a feast to the Lord; throughout your generations, as a statute forever, you shall keep it as a feast.”

The EMBARK House

What God did to release His people was quite remarkable. It would be easy to think they would never forget something so spectacular. However, God knows His people. We are prone to forget. So God asked Israel to set aside time every year to remember forever what He had done to save His people from Egypt.

I decided in response to the story, it would be a good week to remember and celebrate God’s work during my time in Thailand. In October, I had put together a list of the ways I had seen God at work during my time in Thailand. This weekend I went back through the list to remember and to add more evidences of God’s goodness during this season. Here is a sampling of that list.

·          The foundation for EMBARK laid by the Mellis and the Wilsons

·          Neil’s willingness to run with the EMBARK concept even with limited resources

·          The provision of the EMBARK House and the generosity of our landlords

·          God’s revealing of His love and purpose for Doi Saket to me on Palm Sunday

·          Free training material provided by LeaderTrek

·          Getting to be Stateside for Grandma’s 95^th birthday, Dave’s 30^th birthday, Abby’s 1^st birthday, Mother’s Day 2012, and Mom’s first chemo treatment because my visa had been cancelled

·          Alicia and Olivia’s willingness to be “guinea pigs” in a new program

·          Jane’s ability to come help during EMBARK 1 and her involvement with future EMBARKers

·          Relationships built with Thais in Doi Saket- Sorn and Daa, Jay, Mike, P’Muk and P’Janet, the donut lady

·          The gift of Jasmine and Amy and all the resources shared from Bethany School of Mission

·          The provision of participants for each of the EMBARK groups

·          More funds raised than I could have ever imagined for the house, car, furniture, etc.

·          The provision of the EMBARK truck, Emmett, through Expat Auto

·          Going with Mom to doctor appointments, infusions, and the radiation center over the course of her 18 months of treatment

·          All the money and visas for Bini and Ellian in three weeks time

·          The diversity of our EMBARK teams

·          The growing endorsement for EMBARK from YFC/USA and Britain YFC

·          The provision of The Center TESOL course

·          Meeting people like Shelley & JR, Shelbey & Rachel, Laura, and others who never participated in EMBARK, but I had the opportunity to disciple them in the decision-making process

·          The response from the national directors to EMBARK at the National Director & Spouse retreat

Church at CMCC

·          Regularly attending Chiang Mai Community Church

·          Joining the story-telling small group

·          Joining the women’s basketball group in Chiang Mai

·          Discovering the aqua aerobics group Chiang Mai

·          Attending the Ladies Retreat in Chiang Mai in September 2013

·          My financial and prayer supporters being more engaged in my ministry than ever before

·          Visits to Chiang Mai from dear friends and my parents

·          Ellian really engaging with the people in Vietnam and breaking so many stereotypes

·          Renee figuring out she wants to teach for a living

·          Everyone passing their TESOL course

·          Learning to trust Jesus more than I ever have in my life

·          Mom declared cancer free

·          The perseverance that has grown in all of us, in Thailand and back in California

·          P’Prompt, the Chiang Mai YFC director’s, request for me to teach him English

·          The relationships that have been built from our English classes in Chiang Mai

·          Lana and I getting to live together

·          Opportunities to become more convinced of the incarnational ministry of Jesus and my own commitment to 3Story living

·          Learning to trust God with my family

·          The support and love of my parents through an intensely difficult season for them

·          The volunteer team from my different churches coming to help with YFC’s General Assembly in September 2014

This is only a partial list. God’s faithful hand is seen all over my time in Thailand. Sometimes, especially when things haven’t turned out as planned, it gets easy to forget and start to be discouraged. So I want to spend time this week celebrating God’s work and I want to make sure I go back and remember often that God has done a good work in and through me here. It is worth celebrating. 

The Wisdom Teeth Story

I wanted to take some time to share with you the story of getting my wisdom teeth removed in Thailand. The video is a bit long, but hopefully it will give you a good chuckle.

24 Years

On Wednesday night at small group, we were looking at the beginning of Genesis 15 and God’s reiteration of the promise He had given to Abram. The facilitator of our group was talking about the timing of the original promise when Abram had moved out of Ur to Canaan. Our facilitator speculated that it had been about 24 years since Abram had originally heard from God, so it was good that God was reminding Abram of the promise again. Steve rhetorically said, “What were you doing 24 years ago?”

I had to smile as Steve asked his question because I could actually answer. My dad has been reading back through his journals as part of his sabbatical. On Tuesday, dad has sent me this entry from March 1990, "Kristi is showing great interest in missions. She bought a copy of Operation World, which gives her information on various countries around the world. In one year she can pray around the world. She wants to be a Vet so she's considering being a Vet in a Muslim country as a witness for Christ. Lord, help me to fan the flame of her interest. And if she should go overseas to serve you, strengthen me to let her go."

This was 24 years ago. God was already stirring in me a vision for being involved in His Kingdom Work around the world. While I am not serving as a veterinarian in a Muslim country, God did fan the flame of my interest through my parents and they have done a great job of letting me go. What a powerful reminder of the work God was doing in me 24 years ago and His continued work in me today. God is faithful to complete the work He started.

Philippians 1:6, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” 

Out of Control

I had to push down the panic as soon as I hit the water. It didn’t help that the life vest didn’t fit properly and felt like it had risen up around my neck to strangle me. It also didn’t help that my mask was too loose and the nosepiece had instantly filled with water, which I had immediately inhaled. More than all of this, I had just jumped straight into the unknown, into a sea that was well beyond my control.

The last time I had gone snorkeling was when I was 15 in a protected bay in the Philippines. This was the open ocean. The waves kept coming and I had to remain aware of the currents. Before we jumped in, we had just received the description of five sea creatures to avoid touching (although only one of them was life-threatening, we were told). I was trying to be brave and play it cool, but I just kept thinking, “I just want to survive the next hour.”

On our first stop of this snorkeling trip, I just kept telling myself not to panic and enjoy the experience. I wrestled my lifejacket for the whole hour and was constantly having to flip on my back to empty my mask, so I could avoid the feeling of drowning. Yet, I would have these moments when I would get lost in the beauty of the fish in such vibrant colors it was breathtaking. When the purple jellyfish the size of a volleyball swam into view, I was nervous and amazed all at the same time. The feeling of being out of control was worth the adventure I was experiencing.

The second stop had even stronger currents and less visibility in places, but I had traded lifejackets, adjusted my mask, and was starting to feel some peace about the experience. I still recognized that at any moment I could be pulled by a wave or run into a creature I didn’t want to see that close up, but not being in control meant I could see something few people in the world get to see. I saw “Nemo” swimming through the anemones and giant clams with purple, blue, and green “lips” inches from my face.

Later that day, we went kayaking. I was in the front, so Lana was steering. I had never kayaked before (or canoed for that matter), so I was feeling out of my element. We turned the corner into the open ocean and started to be buffeted by the waves and the wake from the longboats. I kept asking Lana to tell me where we were going. I thought knowing my direction would reduce my anxiety. She replied that she didn’t know because it would depend on the direction of the waves. I didn’t like the feeling of being blind and not being in control of where we were going.

I recognize that I like the feeling of being in control. I like to believe that I am setting my direction. I like to believe that if I am taking risks, they are well calculated. The reality is that this is an illusion. I am not in control of my life. God throws in the unexpected. Other people make choices that impact me. I live in a big ocean where I am being tossed around trying to have some semblance of order. The more I seek to control, the less I enjoy the experience. When I am able to acknowledge that my life is not my own, I can embrace the adventure a bit more.

Job 23:12-14 says, “I have not departed from His commands, but have treasured His words more than daily food. But once He has made His decision, who can change His mind? Whatever He wants to do, He does. So He will do to me whatever He has planned. He controls my destiny.” What a terrifying and comforting thought. As humbling and awe-inspiring as the ocean is, God is more.

I was trying to teach my nieces to have a healthy fear of the ocean when I was in California this Christmas. We were working on helping them not to be afraid to get in the water, but to still recognize the power of the waves and the need to have a supervising adult with them. This is where I want to be with God. I don’t want to be afraid to jump into life with Him, but I also want to acknowledge His power and His ability to do whatever He wants with me.

My life is not mine to control. God is the one who controls my destiny. And so I leap from the boat.