When a House Becomes a Home

When I wrote to BFA about what I was looking for in a house, I knew it as a long shot. Singles get assigned small apartments, which is understandable knowing the larger BFA-leased homes should go to larger families. However, I also knew that I wanted to live in community and wanted to have space to host people. I wanted a house that could serve as a home, not only for those who would live there, but those who would spend any length of time within its walls. So I looked outside of BFA-leased housing and God provided a beautiful house.

The house is owned by a set of our dorm parents, who also have a vision for hospitality ministry. It is a beautiful and cozy space. The original house was built in 1777, but was renovated by the current owners. When people walk into the front door, they see original stonework and beams with beautiful heated tile floors. There is lots of natural light and a small area where people can congregate to eat and visit.

However, I don’t think it is just the physical space that makes our house a home. Over the weekend I had several conversations with my roommates and friends about hospitality. We had invited a new staff member over for supper on Friday night, but had run out of time to cook with the end of our first week back to school (although we had cooked the four nights so far that week). We were discussing whether ordering pizza would make our new friend feel at home.

Yet, as we sat around late into the night, it was clear our new friend felt at home (as did our adopted roommate from down the street). It wasn’t the cleaning I had done before everyone arrived (although I had dusted and vacuumed). It wasn’t the candles burning or the country music playing. It was connected to the way Lauren, Jamie, and I feel at home in our space and invite others to feel at home there. It was the laughter and questions and story-telling. It was inviting our friends into every space of our home and leaving the door open for them to feel at home there in the future.

I heard this quote twice this weekend and figured I should start paying attention.

"To invite someone into your home

is to take charge of their happiness

for as long as they are under your roof."

~J. Savrin

I am honestly not sure I agree with the sentiment of the quote as I do not know whether I can ever take charge of someone else’s happiness. However, I do think inviting someone into my house means that I seek to live at home in my space and invite others to do the same as long as they are under my roof.

1 Peter 4:7-9 says, “The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.” One of the ways we show love is by cheerfully sharing our home with people.

I did love the sentiment behind the blog I was sent this weekend about a home being a place where people belong: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/01/how-to-restore-what-every-familys-longing-for-most/ I think it is good to establish a vision of your home as a life-giving space and I pray God equips us to this end. I love that my house is becoming the home I pictured before I arrived. 

Love Expels Fear

Every once in awhile, our human relationships give us insight into our relationship with God. I really love my nieces. However, I also really love my personal space. There were nine of us staying at my parents for five days over the holidays. Once the house was full, the plan was for me to sleep on the couch in the living room.

However, that first night my nephew got sick and there was a lot of activity throughout the house in an effort to care for him well. I realized there was no place in the house where I could close the door and be by myself.

So I decided to bunk in with my nieces. I wanted to be out of the way so my brother and his wife could take care of their boy without being worried about waking me up. My dad blew up an air mattress, and while the girls were asleep, I moved into their room and took up residence on their floor. Both girls are deep sleepers and didn’t really stir for most of the night.

At around 6 in the morning, I heard Abby cry out. It was clear she was having some kind of bad dream. I saw her sit up in bed. So I sat up and made eye contact with her. She had a visible reaction when she saw me. Her whole body relaxed. Her face lit up in a giant smile. Whatever fear had shocked her awake was instantly gone when she caught sight of me.

As Abby snuggled back down in her bed, I got up and began to tuck her blankets in around her. I smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead. We never said a word, but there was such peace, delight, and contentment that spilled out of every pore of her body.

When I crawled back into bed, I thought about what a difference it had made for Abby to see someone who loves her and will keep her safe when she woke from her bad dream. It gave me a bit of a picture of how God and I interact when I am afraid. Catching sight of Him brings a sense of peace and assurance in the midst of my worry and fear.

1 John 4:17-18a says, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.” God’s perfect love casts out fear. I know I do not love Abby perfectly, but on that morning, I saw what a difference love makes in fear. I praise God for that picture of the little girl who could fall back asleep knowing her auntie was near. I know I am a woman who is loved by my Father, so I can live at peace.

Living in Truth

If you have spent any time getting to know me, you will have heard about the anxiety I experience around flying. It has always seemed like a cruel joke to me that God would call me to serve cross-culturally and that I would struggle with deep fear regarding air travel. In 2014, I took 23 flights alone and traveled to 8 different countries.

Over the last twenty years, I have prayed repeatedly for God to release me from my fear of flying. I

have explored the Scriptures, meditated on truth, and tried all kinds of practical remedies, but I have never found relief.

In the days leading up to my December 16^th flight, I felt my anxiety building. I shared it with a few different people and asked them to pray with me. I identified that it was an irrational fear, but one that seemed to hold me captive anyway. As I lay down to sleep on the night of December 15^th, I again asked God to release me from this anxiety and fear. Suddenly, a picture came to mind of the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years who came up behind Jesus in the crowd and touched His robe; full of faith that if she touched His robe, she would be healed (Mark 5:25-34).

As I played this story out in my head, peace came over me. I could identify with the woman’s desperation to be healed and her belief that only Jesus held the answer to her healing. I believed in that moment I had been set free from my fear and anxiety related to flying.

The next morning, I was reflecting more on this woman’s story. I wondered if she ever was afraid the bleeding would return. How did this woman live out her healing? I realized that even though I had been set free from my fear, I still had to make the choice to live in that truth.

It reminded me of the truth of our salvation. The truth is that I have been forgiven from my sins and live before God as one without sin. My position in Christ is secure. However, sometimes, I choose to live outside of this truth. Either I choose to sin or I choose to live under condemnation, neither of which reflect the truth of my life.

I believe I have been healed and freed from my anxiety and fear regarding flying. However, I still have the choice whether I will live in that truth or retreat into doubt and fear. In my last four flights, I have chosen to live in the truth of my new freedom. My continued prayer is that I will learn to walk in truth, both in regards to my fear and my salvation.

Please Go With Me

One day Moses said to the Lord, ‘You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.” The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you. Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.  How will anyone know that you look favorably on me—on me and on your people—if you don’t go with us? For your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all other people on the earth.” (Exodus 33:12-16)

As I have been studying through Exodus over the past few months, I found myself resonating with Moses’ sentiment in this passage. God has asked Moses to lead the people to the Promise Land, but Moses has just had another encounter with the people that has left him disheartened. In a moment of clarity and honesty, Moses acknowledges his need to understand God more fully and to continue to enjoy God’s favor to be able to lead the people. Moses recognizes that it is not his own strengths or gifts that are going to mark his success in this journey, but more of God.

I love the scenario Moses gives to God. “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.” This has been my repeated prayer to God in the last few days since I read this passage. If God doesn’t go with me to Germany, I don’t want to go. To accomplish what God has asked me to do, I need Him to go with me. I have no hope without Him with me.

God has promised to be with His people, so I am counting on His presence to go with me to Germany. This is the source of my strength as I prepare to serve at Black Forest Academy. Please join me in praying that I would understand God more fully, continue to enjoy His favor, and for God’s presence to personally go with me as I fly to Germany next Monday.

Stories of God's Wonderful Goodness

God stretches my faith in the support raising process. I get a front row seat to see how God is working in the world and in our lives. There were a couple of amazing stories this week that I had the opportunity to witness firsthand.

Last Monday I sent out 150 letters to people to request they consider joining my support team. On Wednesday I received a phone call from a woman who had received one of those letters. The amazing thing was she had received the letter at an address where she does not live. There was no reason that should have been the address my family had one file for her. She was visiting a niece and it was the

only piece of mail that came in her name the whole three months she was there.

When she saw the letter in the mail, she was surprised and curious as to what it contained. She had to laugh when she opened the letter and saw God had reached her across several States so she could respond to my need and join my team. Seeing God pursue her to be part of the team was a faith stretching experience for her and for me.

On Sunday, I was sharing about Black Forest Academy at one of my supporting churches. A young man came up to my table. As we talked, he shared that I had spoken in his class at school when he was in sixth grade. He had gone home to tell his mom he wanted to go to Germany to be at BFA. I shared about the opportunities to serve at BFA and by Monday he had requested an application. I have no idea what God has planned, but it is exciting to see God’s continuing story in the life of this young man.

Psalm 145:7 says, “Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy about your righteousness.” I want to be faithful to tell the story of God’s wonderful goodness. These are some of His stories.

Say Goodbye

From my early days of overseas ministry, I was introduced to the acronym RAFT. We were encouraged to build our RAFT to guide us through our transitions. So here is what the acronym means…

R: Reconciliation- Make sure you seek to set things right with people before you leave or the problems could follow you to your next location.

A: Affirmation- Take the time to affirm people in your life, communicating what you appreciate about them.

F: Farewell- Say goodbye to people, places, and things that have been significant to you during your time.

T: Think Destination- Look forward to the next season with joyful anticipation, preparing yourself for what lies ahead.

Saying goodbye to my favorite barista

In every transition, I have attempted to build my RAFT and finish well. I have found it to be a valuable

exercise, helping me to navigate goodbyes and be prepared for a new season. This includes taking time to write cards or verbally express how I appreciate people and places and the impact they have had on my life. I make sure to seize the moment to say goodbye, in case there is not another opportunity.

With this frame of reference, it still surprises me sometimes when people who have been on the mission field for many years struggle to say goodbye. Were they never taught the RAFT? Have so many goodbyes become too painful to handle? Is it working better for them to deny goodbyes are happening?

I had a dear friend almost refuse my farewell card because she was sure she would see me again in the next two weeks and wanted to put off the finality of our goodbye.

Last week I saw a great opportunity to express to another influential person in my life how I had been impacted by his investment during my time here. He stopped me from saying anything with the promise to talk to me on Sunday, which would be our last time seeing one another. No matter how I tried to seize the moment, he would not let me finish my sentence.

Still other friends seem surprised when I hand them a card or express my appreciation for them. They find it unusual and inspiring that I would take the opportunity to communicate my thankfulness. 

Paul understood the importance of goodbyes. Throughout Acts, you read about Paul taking the time to say goodbye to the believers in each of the cities where he stayed, even if that meant going back into town after he had been beaten or stoned. In Acts 20, Paul called the Ephesian elders together one last time. He affirmed the work God did among them and the journey God was unfolding for Paul as he headed to Rome. In verses 36-38, Luke writes, “When he had finished speaking, he (Paul) knelt and prayed with them. They all cried as they embraced and kissed him goodbye. They were sad most of all because he had said that they would never see him again. Then they escorted him down to the ship.”

Goodbyes are hard, but they are good and they are necessary. I have found such joy and affirmation in taking the opportunity to say goodbye, expressing thankfulness for the relationship. Every time I say goodbye in Chiang Mai, I am honoring the work God has done in my time here and filled with anticipation of what comes next. Honestly, I have loved my goodbyes.

So I will continue to take steps to build my RAFT and celebrate the life God has given me here in Thailand and the life He is preparing for me in Germany, whether others are willing to embrace the goodbyes or not.

Life in Boxes

Moving is a bit unsettling. There is something a little unnerving about seeing your life packed up and contained in boxes. It requires some reflection. What do I get rid of? What is important enough to pack? Why is this of value to me?

From the first months of making my decision to move to Germany, I had determined to ship my belongings from Thailand to Germany. I knew it would be an investment, but I also knew there were going to be some things (artwork, dishes, games, books, etc.) that I would want to have with me in my new home.

So I agonized over the decision of what to take with me. I evaluated what was important enough to be considered part of my “home”. I second-guessed. I pared down. I wondered how I would feel if my shipment got lost or damaged. If these were things that were important to me, important enough to spend the money to ship, they would also be things I would grieve the loss of if something went wrong with the shipment.

I spent time thinking about “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”. I spent time thinking about what defines home for me.

Then the shipping company came to evaluate my things and to give me an estimate of what it would take to ship my life to Germany. I had given myself a “worst case scenario” number and when I received the estimate, it was higher than I imagined.

This caused me to reconsider everything. Should I just sell everything I own and try to repurchase when I arrived in Germany? What about the things that were irreplaceable, the things that had no equivalent in Germany? Should I try to fly everything to the States and then to Germany? This was impossible with my stopover in Taiwan on the way back. Should I use FedEx or DHL? It turned out both the cost and timing were prohibitive.

I felt discouraged. I don’t own very much, I wasn’t shipping furniture or anything that felt extravagant. My life is pretty simple. Now I was to determine greater value of what I owned and it was challenging how I think about home and possessions.

My parents and dear friends offered wise advice. Along the way, one friend observed that as missionaries few of us own homes, but what little we have speaks of home and so it has value from the memories attached and the sense of belonging it brings to our transient lives. I was encouraged to contact the shipping company again to see if there was any wiggle room in the price and I was encouraged to resolve to proceed with the shipping, regardless of the cost.

Hebrews 11: 13b-16 says, “They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.”

The shipping company did come back with a lower price, although still not matching my budget request. However, I had settled to take these memories and pieces of home with me. I am a foreigner and a nomad. I recognize that this world is not my home and I acknowledge the things I am taking with me to Germany will not last forever. These few things do serve as a reminder of the journey God has me on from place to place and build a bridge from my past to my future, until I finally reach the homeland God is preparing for me.