Absolutely Terrified of the Infinitely More

Our speaker on Tuesday morning at National Director and Spouse Retreat was the national director of Singapore. He was sharing out of Mark 4 where Jesus calms the storm. He highlighted that the disciples were afraid of the storm. It could have been no small storm for professional fishermen to be frightened.

They woke Jesus up to ask Him to do something so they would not drown. In fact, Jesus answers their request and tells the wind and the waves to be quiet. What follows is quite interesting. In verse 41, Mark records, “The disciples were absolutely terrified. ‘Who is this man?’ they asked each other. ‘Even the wind and waves obey him!’”

No matter how frightened they were of the storm, when the disciples saw Jesus respond to their request for concern, they became absolutely terrified. What had they expected Jesus to do? Whatever their expectations were, Jesus clearly exceeded them.

As the Singapore National Director shared this part of the story, he connected it to our response when Jesus answers our prayers. He said we panic, pray for God to do something, and then become absolutely terrified when Jesus actually answers our prayers. According to Ephesians 3:20, God is “is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” We should not be surprised when we ask for God to respond and He does so beyond our expectations.

When we started praying very purposefully over a month ago for the February 2013 EMBARK group, the situation looked bleak. I was so afraid I was going to have to cancel the February EMBARK. We only had one participant who was approved and raising support. I felt like a failure because I had national directors who were anticipating help I would not be able to provide and was frustrated that all the momentum built by the last three months would be wasted.

Then we started to pray. We started to pray every time we were together. Our request was for eight participants from four nations and a male leader. It seemed like a request that was too big, but in the last four weeks God has begun to indicate He can accomplish infinitely more than we ask or think. In the last four weeks, we have had our first male EMBARK applicant. We have had a young man express interest in being the EMBARK Asia Pacific male leader. There have been eight people who have requested applications for February and five nations are represented among those application requests.

Now I am absolutely terrified. What if God actually answers our prayers? What if I am called to invest in these young leaders from multiple nations? How will it really work to live and serve together representing so many different cultural backgrounds? Am I prepared for the task at hand?

The truth is I am not prepared and I am unable. However, I am empowered by Jesus who even the wind and the waves obey. I know that it is through His mighty power at work in me that infinitely more will be accomplished. So I look expectantly to see what God has planned next.

Can't Go Back to Egypt

I know it hasn’t been long since I referenced this song, but the theme does come up often. I was chatting with one of my EMBARK girls last night. She mentioned that it was the first time she understood why the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt. I smiled because I am familiar with the feeling.

God is doing some big things in her life right now. However, they are hard things. All she can see at the moment is the sand and the elements and the lack of food. She can’t see the Promised Land yet and it is going to take lots of hard work to get there. No matter what was awful about Egypt, at least it was known. What is coming is completely unknown and it feels like there are no guarantees it is going to be better than where she came from.

Our conversation instantly reminded me of the Sara Groves song, Painting Pictures of Egypt, I have quoted before.

Verse 1: I don't want to leave here

I don't want to stay

It feels like pinching to me

Either way

And the places I long for the most

Are the places where I've been

They are calling out to me

Like a long lost friend

Verse 2: It's not about losing faith

It's not about trust

It's all about comfortable

When you move so much

And the place I was wasn't perfect

But I had found a way to live

And it wasn't milk or honey

But then neither is this

Chorus: I've been painting pictures of Egypt

Leaving out what it lacks

The future feels so hard

And I want to go back

But the places that used to fit me

Cannot hold the things I've learned

Those roads were closed off to me

While my back was turned

Verse 3: The past is so tangible

I know it by heart

Familiar things are never easy

To discard

I was dying for some freedom

But now I hesitate to go

I am caught between the Promise

And the things I know

Chorus: I've been painting pictures of Egypt

Leaving out what it lacks

The future feels so hard

And I want to go back

But the places that used to fit me

Cannot hold the things I've learned

Those roads were closed off to me

While my back was turned

Bridge: If it comes to quick

I may not appreciate it

Is that the reason behind all this time in sand?

And if it comes to quick

I may not recognize it

Is that the reason behind all this time in sand?

It is easy to get caught between the Promise and the things we know and can see right now. It is hard to risk for something that has no guarantee of success. It is hard to take God at His Word. And it is the only option. There is no going back. The old place doesn’t exist anymore. So we can sit down in the desert or we can keep walking toward Jesus. I am thrilled to see her and others choosing to leave Egypt behind, keep walking through the wilderness, and anticipate the Promised Land.

Keep On Keeping On

Perseverance Cultural Intelligence is defined as our level of interest, drive and motivation to adapt cross-culturally (from Cultural Intelligence by David Livermore). We took a Cultural Intelligence (CQ) quiz on Monday as part of our unit this week. Interestingly, three of us came out strong in Knowledge CQ but weak in Perseverance CQ.

It is important to gain an understanding of other cultures. All of us love to do our research. Olivia looks up information on ninjas J Alicia studies maps of Gamagori. I will read and read in an attempt to understand better. All of us observe EVERYTHING.

Knowledge and information are important parts of becoming part of a culture. However, it is not enough to know. We must choose to enter in. This is where Perseverance CQ comes in. Life is hard when learning a new culture. Everything takes energy when entering a new culture. You can’t just grocery shop on autopilot. We have to learn to ride motorbikes on the left side of the road. We have to learn new people and how they react in different situations. This is often hard when we are tired, overwhelmed, and fully engaged with the world around us.

All of us want to be able to take our knowledge and apply it successfully the first time. We want a guarantee that the knowledge we have is accurate and that we can apply it correctly. Instead, we fail. It leaves us afraid and insecure. We are left with the choice to persevere or not. What the quiz told us (and what we already knew) was that more often we make the choice not to persevere.

So we are trying to make different choices. We are holding each other accountable to risk and to try again when we fail. We want to get better at failure. We want to get better at being ok with trial and error. We want to keep going.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

So we keep loving even when it is hard. We go back to our TESOL class after a night where no one seemed to get it. We get ride the motorbike again the next day. We persevere.

Then God

Last week we were focusing in EMBARK on sharing our faith with others. One morning we spent some time talking about difficult seasons in our faith stories. As each story was shared, God reinforced something He had been pointing me too for several weeks. I kept thinking the same phrase over and over again- “then God”.

In each person’s story, there was darkness, hurt, pain, and sin. Then God. God entered the story and everything changed. Light replaced darkness. Healing replaced hurt and pain. Righteousness replaced sin. Nothing was the same as it had been before God moved in the story.

Paul writes about these “then God” moments in Colossians 2:13-14. He says, “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.”

These “then God” moments are most clearly seen in our salvation, but they come up quite often. Life is heading in one direction and then God… Relationship is broken and then God… I see no hope and then God…

God is the turning point in my story again and again. I see this true in the lives of those around me as well. God is allowed to enter our circumstances and things change. God gets our attention and nothing is the same. I look at all the stories being written around me and the pivotal moment is then God.

I wait in anticipation of the next then God moment.

Strength in Weakness

I have struggled with getting sick as long as I can remember, particularly since I have entered adulthood. I used to run on high speed and then crash. I started to build better boundaries and rhythms in my life. I would still end up with constant colds. I sleep eight hours a night. I work out most days. I take time by myself in the mornings and evenings. Still I get sick.

So it wasn’t any big surprise when I got violently ill just over a week ago. Stomach illness has been a semi-regular occurrence since moving to Thailand. Yet this time was different. The force with which I got sick wiped me out for days. I was flat on my back for two days, in and out of sleep.

During those days, I was completely dependent. I needed people to help get me food and medicine and water. There were also some pretty heavy emotional things happening in the house. I needed Jesus to sustain me as I was involved in navigating how God was working in our community and how we needed to respond.

Last Friday, I went to our last TESOL class of our practicum. I sat and conducted faith interviews because I was just too weak to stand. The rest of the day was spent in emotional conversation after emotional conversation. It felt like I lived four days. However, at the end of the day, Jesus had worked through my weakness. I couldn’t rely on myself for anything.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul writes, “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I am not sure I am ready to say I take pleasure in my weakness, hardships, and troubles, but I do see that Christ can work through me uniquely when I am weak. Christ’s power works best in my weakness. I get to live that every time I get sick and particularly right now in this community. 

Come Near

We wandered into a church on Sunday I had never attended before. It was a sea of unfamiliar faces until I saw the violinist bound onto the stage. My face broke into a huge grin. It was Lana’s student from Dalat. This was her church! Our group connected with her about the same time as she saw us and waves were exchanged.

When church was over, she could barely contain herself as she rushed to talk with us. She asked where we were headed for lunch and pretty soon she was spending the whole day with us, including a lovely afternoon of homework in Starbucks.

Throughout the afternoon, this young woman would exclaim how good it was to spend time with our community. Now, she is an extrovert and we are pretty entertaining, but it is more than that. People are starting to be drawn to our community. God is doing something in the group of us that others want to come near. It is exciting. It is humbling. I long to see that continue. 

Howdy Neighbor!

I am not sure who was more nervous, us or the trail of children and teens that marched into our house last night. Would they like the food Lana had prepared? What would we talk about? Should we have had them sit on the stools so they were higher or was it a better choice to give them the comfortable chairs?

While we started out feeling nervous, it was not too long until the room was full of laughter. Lana was demonstrating how to make s’mores with chocolate chips and bananas in tin foil. Each kid and all the adults took turns creating their dessert.

While Paul built the fire and Lana cooked our desserts, most of the rest of us headed to the soccer field. This is where the connections deepened. High fives were given as goals were made and saved. Grins exploded on to faces as people shouted out encouragement by name.

After dessert had been enjoyed (“Why do white people like chocolate” was one of my favorite questions of the night), we played a game around the fire where the consequence for losing was to sing a silly song or do a dance. This led to both English and Thai worship songs being sung around the fire.

Alicia and Jai became fast friends, exchanging Thai and English words and giggling constantly. Olivia became a hero by scoring the first two goals of the soccer game. Jane sat next to Gee and learned how to say little girl, woman, and old woman. The night ended with an invitation to come to their house for dinner in two weeks. Last night was just a taste of things to come and a little glimpse of heaven.