Look at the Birds

Worry is a recurrent sin in my life. Four weeks ago it was the subject of a church sermon. It wasn’t necessarily anything new I was hearing, but I heard it differently. God convicted me of my sin. I knew I needed to respond. Yet it seemed overwhelming to tackle such a pervasive sin in my life.

Worry impacts my relationships. It impacts my health. My attitudes and thoughts are shaped by worry. I thought my biggest worry was about time. I get anxious over whether I will get things done. I am also recognizing a significant worry is what other people think of me. Many of my decisions are influenced by how I anticipate people will respond.

My pastor showed in Luke 12:22-34, how Jesus pointed people to God’s care for the ravens and the lilies as examples of how He provides for us. A dear friend gave me a key chain with a bird on it to remind me of lessons God is teaching me about worry and the chance to choose something different.

The biggest challenge that came out of the sermon and in our small group discussion was the end of the passage. Jesus has been telling people not to worry about whether they will eat or have something to wear because God provides. Then He ends with this, “Sell your possessions and give to those in need” (v. 33). If you are worried about what you will eat or wear, sell what you have and give to those in need. Kingdom living is so counter-intuitive. If I am worried about finances, I spend less and save more. Instead, Jesus tells me to give more away.

So I have been trying this out in other areas of worry. If I am worried about not having enough time, I give more time away. I say yes to a friend who wants to grab coffee. I choose to respond to the email that has come into my inbox. I am finding when I give more of my time away, I am able to complete what needs to get done.

Instead of trying to manage my life to please others, I am looking for ways to give my life away without expectation of how people will respond.

Sell. Give. Release. This is how Jesus teaches me to respond to worry. I am taking steps in His direction. It is a struggle. This does not come naturally. Yet He is making me aware when I am choosing worry and giving me opportunity to respond with generosity. This gives me hope that my life will not be characterized by worry forever. 

Feeling Foolish

Sometimes following Jesus makes me feel foolish. It feels foolish to turn the other cheek. It feels foolish to not try and defend myself. It feels foolish to wait instead of act. It feels foolish to hope when things seem hopeless.

I am sure Noah felt foolish as he built the ark. I am sure Joseph felt foolish as he spent time in prison, remembering his dreams of his brothers bowing to him. I am sure Peter, James, and John felt foolish about throwing their nets out the other side of the boat after a night of no catch.

It is hard for me to be the fool. I like to be found competent. I like to have things add up. I like for others to think well of me.

Following Jesus means sometimes doing things that make no sense to anyone else. Following Jesus is humbling. Following Jesus means choosing a path of contradictions- last who are first, least who are greatest, fools who are wise.

I want to walk the path toward Jesus, wherever it takes me, even if I feel foolish.

“But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength. Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important,” 1 Corinthians 1:24-28.

Heaven is Perfect

Sometimes plans come together even better than could be dreamed. Five weeks ago my dear Deb decided to buy a plane ticket to come visit me in California. I had not seen her since graduation at Black Forest Academy in June. She mentioned wishing her best friend from high school lived closer (Idaho) since they had not seen each other in almost two years.

So I talked to Autumn and arranged for her to fly down and surprise Deb. Autumn and I talked about how amazing being together would be, but how sad Rachel would be to miss this reunion. Secretly, I called Rachel and she decided to fly out from Philadelphia and surprise both the girls.

I kept the secret for almost five weeks. This weekend was the fulfillment of that secret. It was everything I hoped for and more. There were screams and laughter and silence and tears. In addition, we surprised three other students and another RA from Wittlingen. One girl we hadn’t seen in almost three years.  There was so much to say and so many hugs and so little sleep.

This reunion was a thing of beauty. It was a reminder of the way God knit together lives while we were in the dorm.  Being in the same space again made me long for heaven. Some day there will be a place where life and love are shared as God intended and there will be no more goodbyes.

“I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever’” (Revelation 21:3-4).

Surprises are good. Reunions are good. Family is good. Hellos are good. Heaven is perfect.

Whate’er my God ordains is right

This past Sunday my dad preached at Restoration Church from Luke 8:40-49. While he was focusing on Jesus restoring the woman with the blood disease both physically and to her community, dad also highlighted the context in which this healing took place.

Jairus had shown up first, believing Jesus was the only hope for his sick daughter (Luke 8:41-42). Jesus allows Himself to be interrupted on His journey toward Jairus’s daughter by this woman in need of healing. While Jesus healed her physically instantly, He also takes the time to heal her relationship to her community. During the time Jesus is focusing on the woman, Jairus’s daughter dies (Luke 8:49).

At this point, all hope seems lost. Jairus is told not to bother Jesus anymore. It is too late (Luke 8:49). As a man from church pointed out, Jairus had faith Jesus could heal his daughter, but had not fathomed faith where Jesus could raise his daughter from the dead.

During church we sang a hymn I had never heard before. “Whate’er my God ordains is right” was written by a German man, Samuel Rodigast, in 1676. I found the words haunting and compelling.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


His holy will abideth;


I will be still whate’er He doth;


And follow where He guideth;


He is my God; though dark my road,


He holds me that I shall not fall:


Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


He never will deceive me;


He leads me by the proper path:


I know He will not leave me.


I take, content, what He hath sent;


His hand can turn my griefs away,


And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


His loving thought attends me;


No poison can be in the cup


That my Physician sends me.


My God is true; each morn anew


I’ll trust His grace unending,


My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


He is my Friend and Father;


He suffers naught to do me harm,


Though many storms may gather,


Now I may know both joy and woe,


Some day I shall see clearly


That He hath loved me dearly.

 

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


Though now this cup, in drinking,


May bitter seem to my faint heart,


I take it, all unshrinking.


My God is true; each morn anew


Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,


And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:


Here shall my stand be taken;


Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,


Yet I am not forsaken.


My Father’s care is round me there;


He holds me that I shall not fall:


And so to Him I leave it all.

These words, in the sermon and in song, were needed in these days. I know God is at work, but it does not seem clear to me. I have to trust that what He allows is right. I have to trust in His goodness. I have to trust that I am loved. I have to trust that even if things get worse, I have no other choice but to put my faith in God. I believe God has the ability, not only to heal and restore, but to raise the dead. My faith is being stretched. 

Who are you?

I had the opportunity to work with the three and four year olds class at Community Bible Study last week. When I walked in, the children quickly tried to get a read on me. I was asked my name and where I lived.  They told me a bit about themselves. Then one girl asked, “Who are you?” I gave her a puzzled look because I had already given her my name and said I was there to help in the class for the morning. Her follow up question was, “Are you a mom?” I said no. Then she asked again, “Who are you?”

I did not fit into this young girl’s identity categories. Here was a woman who works with kids, but is not a mom. I have to admit that her struggle to assign me an identity actually shook me a bit. I found myself thinking throughout the day “Who am I?”

On Sunday the sermon was out of Luke 8:26-39. In this passage Jesus’ one recorded question to this demon-possessed man was “What is your name?” (verse 30). The man did not respond, but rather the demons that lived inside of him. This man’s identity had been swallowed, lost. The pastor challenged us to think about the new name, new identity we have been given when we became followers of Jesus.

So I have continued to reflect on “Who am I?” and “What is my name?” Daughter. Beloved. Friend. Follower. Sister. Servant. Rescued. I am asking God to remind me of who I am and the identity He has given me. I need to be reminded. 

Waiting

The song came on my Ipod as I was driving up to the Central Coast a couple weeks ago. The words seemed particularly poignant at this season in my life.

Stand by Kendall Payne

 

Here I am waiting

For how long I don't know

It's a long way back from where I've been

But there's no where else to go

So I'll stand

With my face to the wind

And my back to the world

I'll follow you

And I'll go where you tell me to go

No I won't be afraid

No I won't be afraid

I feel your wind is moving

I'm not sure where it's going

But I'll let it carry me away

Cause I'm not staying in this place

And I won't turn around

I am not good at waiting. Yet the Bible is full of people who found themselves waiting. David had to wait to become king. Abraham had to wait for a son. Noah had to wait for the rain to come. Israel had to wait for the Messiah. God made promises. People had to wait for their fulfillment.

So I have been asking myself a few questions. Am I willing to wait? What do I do while I am waiting? What happens in me while I am waiting? What do I learn about God by waiting?

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

I believe God accomplishes good things in the waiting.

Contagious Love

I have struggled with feeling uncomfortable around people with developmental disabilities. I find myself to be awkward. I often don’t know what to say or how to act. I find people with disabilities to be amazing and I learn so much when I am with them, but I do not often feel relaxed and at home with them.

My dear Amy started working with an organization that offers a day program to developmentally disabled adults. Serving the members in her care has changed Amy. She has so much love for them. It has redefined her understanding of community and of love. Every time we are together, she tells me stories and her whole person comes alive. I look forward to our times together when I can hear the latest news from the members.

So I had the opportunity to go with Amy and some of the staff and members to a Clippers game last Monday. While it was a great excuse to go see a game, it really provided a wonderful opportunity to see Amy with the people who have come to be so important to her. What I had not anticipated was how easy it was going to be for me to be with them. I had not realized that over the months of storytelling and my praying for Amy that I had come to love them too. I felt at home within seconds. I easily engaged in conversation. I was able to be myself with them. I did not feel awkward.

I love Amy. Amy loves these amazing adults. They love Amy. I did not realize it, but somewhere along the line, I started loving them. It was a joy to be able to put flesh and blood to the stories. It was a joy to discover Amy’s love has been contagious.

For more information about the organization Amy works with follow this link.

http://www.injoyliferesources.com/